Summer 2010

Aging’s Transitional Crossroads — Finding a Meaningful Path
By Mary Radu, MS, MSW, CPCC
Aging Well
Vol. 3 No. 3 P. 26

As baby boomers move into their 50s and 60s, professionals serving this population face a challenging set of clients’ new life issues. These boomers encounter identity shifts; they’re moving from the familiar roles of full-time parents as well as nest and wealth builders to find themselves anticipating an extended life expectancy without a road map to guide them. Some will be ready to move beyond building a résumé of accomplishments. They may feel a need for new roles or different activities that will bring financial stability along with meaning and purpose to their lives.

Often, they have little idea of how to address these big issues and may voice their concerns. Imagine how much more effective you could be if you had a process for helping these clients find the broader answers and defining a clear path for the future.

David J. Powell, PhD, president of the International Center for Health Concerns Inc, articulates some choices we can offer our clients as they face this transitional crossroads. He states that at some point in our 40s or 50s, we face a “crisis of limitations.” Our sense of having unlimited energy and physical possibilities shifts to recognizing the limits of what we can accomplish, how long we might live, and the inevitable loss of important relationships.

This shifting may cause our clients to reach out for professional help. Powell describes three alternatives, or forks in the road clients can choose to navigate the next stage of life.

Three Forks in the Road
The first fork in the road finds the traveler striving “to ascend the ladder even higher.” This road focuses on creating external success by accomplishing more and, therefore, amassing more “power, prestige, and possessions.” Although this path may create external results, the quality of the experience may feel shallow or empty. Think of the executive who places her entire focus on work and later finds herself without family or close friends.

Powell calls the second fork the Rusted-Out Road. The traveler on this road continues to do the same old thing, running into the same roadblocks and vistas. Disappointment and frustration expressed internally can result in depression and addictions. Expressed externally, they can result in negativity or indifference to life.

The third fork that I call the Meaningful Way is an inward journey. This journey requires us to help our clients pause and get off the outward track. As the focus moves inward, the traveler examines what is personally meaningful to him or her. Society’s external measurements of success take on less importance. Clients on this path discover what brings positive energy and joy into their lives as well as the motivation to achieve their financial, health, and lifestyle goals. They may find renewed meaning in current activities and a new way of experiencing success. New directions emerge along with alternatives for creating a legacy.

 Choosing the Meaningful Way is neither easy nor comfortable. When we as professionals are comfortable with these issues in our own lives, we are better equipped to reveal the promising possibilities for our clients. Clients are better able to hear us when they trust we have explored these challenges for ourselves. As Powell states, “If their journey calls them to be vulnerable … we, as helping professionals, need to face our own vulnerability … too.”

Promoting Positive Change
When I first met my client, Martin, he was an accomplished 55-year-old who was ready for something more. He served as executive director for a merchant’s association and had been on the Rusted-Out Road for some time. His job was not satisfying and he dreamed of publishing a book. Staying on the Rusted-Out Road kept him focused on his problems rather than on his opportunities for making changes. He decided to get on the road to meaning and hired me as a coach.

Our work began with Martin spending two to three hours in introspection, pondering his current life and dreams for the future by responding to a questionnaire. The self-assessment tool walked him through identifying what was working and not working in key areas of his life, as well as his desires for the future.

Using what he learned through introspection, he wrote a vision statement representing the qualities and core values most important to him. This process allowed him to begin to see the view along the road differently. He could identify specific opportunities for bringing more of his desired qualities into his daily activities. This motivated him to take steps down some new roads.

Progressing to a Meaningful Way
Many of your clients may be ready to take on that meaningful third road. Here are some steps you can use to help them move forward:

• Help your clients identify one next step they can take to move forward and gain clarity about what will bring meaning to their next phase of life. Keep it small and doable. For example, suggest they start a journal about what provides the most joy and meaning in life.

• Recommend that clients schedule a specific time for carrying out the actual activity and set a time frame for completing the step.

• Help them identify a friend or a family member to whom they can be accountable for completing that action. Have the clients schedule check-in times with that person.

• Schedule your own check-in time with your clients to help them keep their commitment with you. Help them celebrate the act of moving forward and taking action.

• Plan your next step for assisting each individual on the journey and repeat this process.

As a trusted advisor, you have the potential to help your clients make effective transitions into the next stage of their lives with a new mature identity, fulfilling roles, and secure, satisfying lifestyles. Explore your own life-planning concerns. Bring this personal understanding to your services along with your professional knowledge. Encourage your clients to focus on broader whole-life planning to discover what will make their lives more meaningful. You will be rewarded with clients who experience greater clarity and open up new opportunities for you to serve them effectively.

— Mary Radu, MS, MSW, CPCC, is a life coach and philanthropy consultant who helps older adults live more meaningful lives through career, lifestyle, and civic engagement. She is the founder of the northern California chapter of the Life Planning Network, an educational organization of professionals helping people navigate the second half of life. She is also a coauthor of Roadmap to Meaningful Life: Create Your Vision and Action Plan.