Fall 2008

Purpose as a Priority
By Richard Leider and David Shapiro
Aging Well
Vol. 1 No. 4

To age well involves much more than avoiding—or managing—the inevitable physical changes that occur with each passing year.

Continued health and quality of life depend on directing the tangible and intangible aspects of our existence. We must seek a greater sense of wholeness in our lives, which entails recognizing the multidimensional nature of well-being in its fullest sense.

The words health, heal, whole, and holy all derive from the same root, illustrating that to be truly vital involves not only a physical challenge but a spiritual one as well. Practices such as yoga, acupuncture, and even walking remind us that one of the time-honored ways to achieve ongoing vitality is by focusing on the inherent wisdom of our physical selves.

If in the second half of life our bodies could speak to us, they would tell us loud and clear, “Renew yourself! If you don’t, watch out!” As it is, their message, moreso in the second half of life than ever before, frequently reminds us, both through pain and pleasure, to become more whole.

Our bodies communicate to us a harsh but valuable truth: Successfully navigating the first half of our lives doesn’t ensure a tranquil, jolt-free passage through the second half. We change; our families and relationships, our work, and our confidence all change. Nevertheless, one constant throughout all the changes along the way is that they occur through the medium of our bodies and, consequently, a truly authentic wisdom can emerge if only we are open to it.

One of the most common ways to manage life’s ups and downs is resolving to do something about our physical form. We decide to make changes to improve our lives. And as often as not, that involves getting on the path of fitness and developing a regular routine. We tell our friends about it. We hire personal trainers. We actually make changes. They work. We feel happy with ourselves. Life is better.

But frequently, we backslide. Why? Is it laziness? A lack of willpower? Overconfidence? Perhaps it’s all of these and more. Clearly, backsliding is a universal dilemma. Our bodies, brains, and behaviors have a built-in tendency to return to their comfort zones when challenged.

So how do we mitigate against such tendencies and make stick the positive changes we hope to secure for ourselves in the second half of life and beyond? The “stickiness” question is essential to deep renewal, especially at midlife and beyond. No doubt this is the reason that the connections between mind, body, and spirit, so critical to wholeness, have garnered attention from those of us interested in positive aging.

The themes of wholeheartedness and authenticity describe change that sticks. Think of wholeheartedness in terms of one’s willingness to genuinely commit to a project or goal, putting one’s whole self into it. Authenticity is the related notion that when we act wholeheartedly, we do so through an authentic expression of who we really are, not who we think we ought to be or the person we wish we were. Thus, an authentic and wholehearted approach to change reduces the likelihood that we will backslide because any such backsliding is simply a return to who we really are.

The simple declaration “I’m going to get in shape” is often a signal that a wholeness revolution has begun. Although it may seem like a sudden decision, it typically isn’t. More often, it is the result of a process that has been churning inside for months or even years. Once again, it is our bodily wisdom telling us what we need.

We don’t usually just decide to transform our lives. It often takes a crisis to trigger change. At other times, we do it for a reason—a purpose of which our bodies may be more aware than our minds. We may fail to see the purpose clearly, but it is important to know that it does exist.

Behind the numerous stories of change in later life—losing weight, building stamina, finding work that sustains us spiritually, as well as monetarily—there’s a common theme. We seek deep renewal.

Such a renewal, concluded Roger Gould, MD, in his book, Transformations: Growth and Change in Adult Life, is not just a mind choice. Deep renewal occurs so profoundly that it frequently seems a mystery. It is so basic that we cannot grasp its origins with the mind alone. “It is this fundamental task of deep self renewal,” wrote Gould, “that is the force that drives all midlife experiences.”

Our ability to sustain authentic and wholehearted change in later life, letting go of patterns that we formed in the first half of life to discover new ones as we age, is tangible evidence of a spiritually transformative power. Whether we call this force soul, spirit, or purpose, they all share a common bond. They acknowledge the mystery of a deeper wisdom that emerges from an embodied spirituality.

Indeed, sustainable physical renewal is more probable when it involves a deeper spiritual dimension. Changing the way we care for ourselves, particularly in midlife and beyond, involves consideration not only of money and medicine but also a third “m”—meaning.

For instance, what do we mean when we declare that we’re going to “get in better shape”? In shape for the sake of what? If we decide we’re going to work out regularly, what are we working toward? Are our efforts toward being healthy helping us to become whole? Or are they just another set of rules that we impose on ourselves? If only the latter, we will be more likely to backslide.

As we age, almost every person ponders his or her purpose. Who am I? What have I done with my life? What am I meant to do? What’s next? Unfortunately, few of us have the time or space to engage in the deep inquiry required for answering such questions. We find ourselves sandwiched between taking care of children and aging parents, pressured by the demands of caregiving, late-life divorce and/or love, empty nesting, new careers, widowhood, illness and recovery, disability, retiring or not wanting to or being unable to retire, and the list goes on.

Such consideration illustrates the importance of focusing on the body’s wisdom. Our bodies, by their very nature, are constantly responding to the subtle nature of inward purpose and consequently provide us with keys to growth to which we may not otherwise have access.

In fact, one may say that deep renewal is not so much an idea whose time has come as an idea that is always with us—it’s just that we need to be reminded. And to do that, we probably need some sort of regular practice. That practice may include traditional approaches such as yoga or meditation, but it may also involve personal modes of expression, whether a daily walk with the dog or regular journal writing. That you have a practice is more important than what it is.

Having a purpose—a clear reason to get up in the morning—is essential to deep renewal, particularly in midlife and beyond. One way to get a handle on your own purpose is to imagine that you’ve decided to conduct your own personal survey by asking a handful of friends, “What is a life purpose?” There is deep renewal to be found through discussion of questions whose answers we think we already know.

Being purposeful during the second half of life is one of the most critical determinants of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being for older adults. Research increasingly demonstrates this striking fact, which, not surprisingly, is deeply grounded in all major religious traditions worldwide and is articulated perhaps most clearly in the admonition to love our neighbors and our enemies as friends.

 For example, in a nationwide study of older adults conducted by the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, researchers found that elders who gave assistance to others experienced significantly greater feelings of well-being than those who did not.

In another study, retirees were categorized into four groups: givers, receivers, givers and receivers, and neither givers nor receivers. At the end of six months, the givers had significantly better health than any of the other groups. People who neither gave nor received help from others experienced the worst physical and mental health over time. Health and well-being are thus directly associated with being the sort of people who give of themselves to others.

We suffer physically when our lives are devoid of meaning (e.g., working at something that does not engage us wholeheartedly). More people suffer heart attacks on Monday mornings than at any other time during the week. Researchers believe that this occurs because so many people face a week of work that sucks the meaning from their lives.

Anybody can live a life of purpose, which is easy to declare but hard to practice. Yet it’s absolutely vital to our health, healing, wholeness, and holiness.

Perhaps Martin Luther King, Jr, said it best: “Anybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. ... You don’t have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart of grace, a soul generated by love.”

What is your purpose? Exploring this question is vital to our health and wholeness because what ultimately shapes our lives are the questions we take on—or fail to take on. Our questions and the answers we discover through the wisdom of the body shape our second half of life.

The purposeful journey requires asking difficult questions and not resting with easy answers. Old answers make us tired and restless, pointing to the body’s hunger for purpose. For most of us, fulfilling that hunger won’t come from the outside. Living inside the purpose question is as tough as it is inevitable.

The good news is that we don’t have to tackle the inevitable purpose quest alone. Life provides us with purpose partners—family members, friends, and colleagues—with whom we can probe for a deeper understanding of what our purpose is. And nature has graced us with bodies whose wisdom is vital, inherent, and freely available if only we open ourselves to it.

In doing so, we continue on our lifelong journey to health, wholeness, and holiness—in short, the very definition of aging well.

— Richard Leider, ranked by Forbes magazine as one of the top five most respected executive coaches, is founder and chairman of the Inventure Group, a coaching firm in Minneapolis. He is a speaker and author or coauthor of eight books, including The Power of Purpose and Repacking Your Bags.

— David Shapiro teaches philosophy at Cascadia Community College near Seattle, WA. He is the author and/or coauthor with Richard Leider of five books, including, most recently, Something to Live For: Finding Your Way in the Second Half of Life.